


teach me how to say goodbye

by keijitrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Death, Gen, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, The Author Regrets Everything, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22348363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijitrash/pseuds/keijitrash
Summary: Kageyama Tobio, 27 year old, successful volleyball player, and Japan's representative for international competitions, stopped playing. The last time he tried to, the ball slipped between his fingers; as if to tell him to stop. Not now. Not when he feels like this. Let yourself mourn.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 20
Kudos: 145





	teach me how to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @ missim_i on twitter! She tweeted an [angsty prompt](https://twitter.com/missm_i/status/1219575676094693376) that pretty much gave me inspiration to write because _why the hell not_ , right? Only to end up hurting myself in the process. Anyway, do try to somehow enjoy!

_...beep...beep...beep..._

The EKG machine hooked to Kageyama's body emits faint sounds of life. Slowly - too slowly - his heart beats. He breathes behind an oxygen mask - shallow and brief; it's a wonder he's managed to still be alive right now.

An IV drip is delicately connected to his bandage-wrapped flesh.

Arms.

Head.

Chest.

Even the hospital gown put on him ever since he was confined can't hide the wrapping around his injured body.

_...beep...beep...beep..._

His parents take turns in watching over his unmoving body.

Day and night, they wait for a sign - even the smallest twitch - only to be disappointed as more time passes.

Flowers fade. Leaves wither. Snow falls.

Still—

_...beep...beep...beep..._

—the only thing that keeps them hoping are the faint sounds of his still-beating heart.

.

.

.

.

.

All Kageyama remembers is falling.

For the longest time, he recalls the feeling of falling down,

  
down, 

  
down like a piece of paper thrown from up high. He remembers the smell of smoke that squeezes and suffocates his lungs. The pressure all over his body as he drops feet from the sky with nothing but inexperience in saving himself and a parachute gripped tightly in both his hands.

There are screams.

_...or is it his own?_

That he's not sure of.

And then-

 _Hinata_.

_...Hinata?_

Why, of all the times he could be thinking of the annoying mandarin, does he think of his name now?

_"Tobio-kun, how long are you gonna sleep for? You're not sleeping beauty!"_

Ah, now that makes him tic. He can't believe he can even hear his voice while he's falling from the sky.

_"Tobio-kun!"_

_Why is his voice...deeper?_

_"Tobio-kun!"_

He feels something warm touch his skin—

_"Ah, looks like you're waking up!"_

The voices of Hinata laughs - and not in the loud way. Instead, his laughter sounds like chimes during a windy summer.

Kageyama feels his heart clench.

-and promptly sees nothing but darkness.

.

.

.

.

.

_...beep...beep...beep..._

Kageyama feels the sting of pain when he suddenly shoots up from where he's lying down. A hoarse groan leaves his dry lips as his body falls gently back down on his bed. Around him, his parents, his seniors from Karasuno, and even Ushijima and Hoshiumi, stand with identical worry in their eyes.

He tries to say something but only manages to let a raspy syllable out.

"Hi—"

He grits his teeth together in frustration. Why can't he speak?!

"Water! Here, Tobio, drink up," his mother quickly fills up a glass from the nightstand and helps him drink. A few drops of the cold water falls down his clothes in the process.

After two glasses, Kageyama decides to try again.

"Hinata—" his voice is still gravelly, but he manages to complete the words, "—where is he?"

The room goes deafeningly silent one might even hear a pin drop.

Kageyama weakly clenches his trembling hands.

"W,Where is he?"

_...beep...beep...beep..._

Everyone around him refuse to answer. Some even look down on the ground, as if to avoid his gaze. He can see Daichi-san biting his lip. Asahi-san shoves his hands into his pockets, and Sugawara-san's breath hitches.

His parents don't meet his eye.

"Ushi-" he rasps, "Ushijima-san, do you know wh-where he is?"

Ushijima's adam apple bobs up and down. He hesitates. He hesitates, but he opens his lips and answers in his usual straightforward way - "He's gone."

_Gone..?_

_Did he fly off to another country again? That little..._

"To where?"

This time, Hoshiumi answers. He repeats Ushijima's first words and only adds, "He's gone. He's not here anymore, Kageyama - it's been close to a year now too."

This only causes Kageyama's confusion to grow. What do they mean by gone? _The idiot couldn't have possibly gone do Mars right?!_

"What do you mean?"

His brows furrow together.

From his right, Sugawara-san takes in a deep breath. His senior squares his shoulders, looks him in the eye - his own pools of hazel-brown glazing over with tears - then speaks.

"Kageyama... Hinata's dead."

_What what what what w—_

"You've been hospitalized for over a year now, Kageyama," Sugawara-san continues, "You were caught in a plane crash. Hinata - he was...he was long gone before that. In fact, he's the reason you ended up...here."

_whywhywhywhywhywhy I don't understand I don't understand whywhywhywhywhywhy_

"...you rushed to get back from a League tournament all the way from Europe when you heard the news but..."

—Kageyama hears static.

He drowns out every other noise but the sound of his own beating heart.

When he looks at his senior again, his blue eyes - which were, after the longest time, filled with life - turns blank.

Somewhere in the back if his mind, Kageyama knows his heart just shattered.

.

.

.

.

.

His memory about Hinata's death is blurry.

All he knows are the details they told him - otherwise, he's basically clueless. The doctor says it normal; that it's just his brain's response to a traumatic event. His head has locked up all his memories of Hinata's death - but not of Hinata.

Because he can still remember the bouncing, always-enthusiastic, and forever irritating mandarin without a problem.

It's only when he asks himself - How? Why? Hinata, dead? - does his brain shut him down and give him a slight headache.

He doesn't try to remember after that.

  
Ushijima and Hoshiumi tell him how someone from the Jackals messaged Kageyama when it happened.

They tried to tell him not to rush things then, but Kageyama was deaf to their worried words. He'd marched to the airport, got a ticket on the earliest flight back to Japan, and didn't think of anything else other than heading back home and seeing the truth with his own eyes.

But the sudden storm that was brewing in the ocean had been unexpected.

This part he can recall - the slapping winds and the harsh bullets of rain drumming against the plane as things descended into chaos. The rush of footsteps all around him as passengers went mad over doing the proper procedures that they always showed before taking off.

It had been cold then.

  
He was sure that, at that moment, he was prepared to die.

_—it doesn't matter if I get safely to Japan or not if that idiot's actually...gone._

He remembers this - the thought that entered his mind when the wind and rain slapped him and pierced and pricked him as he descended from the sky and fell

fell

fell to an inky bottom and crashed into freezing cold.

.

.

.

.

.

> **Tobio-kun, remember that place we found while racing up the hill in second year? The one that has a reaaaaally nice view of the sunrise during spring? I want to go there again! We're both really busy and we haven't even seen each other in so long so I can only wish for it to happen soon. Maybe when we're against each other in a tournament again, yeah? Anyway, I hope you enjoy your day! Happy Birthday, Tobio-kun! I looooove youuuuuu ❤️ I wish you can get used to calling me Shouyou sooner wwww**
> 
> (sent 12月22日)

  
Kageyama lets go of his phone before he could end up crushing it in his hand. That was the last message Hinata - _Shouyou_ , he tells himself, _it's Shouyou you dumbass_ \- sent to him. On his birthday.

He couldn't even reply.

The 26 year old volleyball player buries his face in his hands and lets out a wail no one would ever think he'd be capable of.

.

.

.

.

.

Kageyama Tobio, 27 year old, successful volleyball player, and Japan's representative for international competitions, stopped playing.

 _Temporary hiatus_ , the Adlers' coach tells everyone who would interview him.

 _Temporary hiatus_ , his teammates would say when they were the ones being interviewed.

 _He's just taking a break for a while_ , his parents would answer when they're the ones being asked.

All just to cover up the mourning Kageyama Tobio - 27 year old, weeping, in pain, and numb.

The last time he tried to play, the ball slipped between his fingers; as if to tell him to stop. Not now. Not when he feels like this. Let yourself mourn.

So he did. 

_"Tobio-kun, Tobio-kun, Tobio-kun—"_

_"Stop saying my name, Hinata-idiot! What do you want?"_

_"Hehe! I'm just trying to adjust to calling you Tobio since it feels weird to have both of us calling each other by last names when we're...y'know, together."_

_"Right. Sure."_

_"Aaanyway! I want you to promise me something!"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Since we're from different teams and do different things, we 'gotta always always meet during every match, okay?! We're always gonna face off one way or another!"_

_"That's a weird promise...but, okay."_

  
It happens all of a sudden - one moment, all of Kageyama's memories about Hinata's death is locked up by his own head, and then the next it flows through his mind like a river.

Then he just accepts how things are.

And his heart starts to feel at rest.

.

.

.

.

.

Kageyama Tobio takes in a breath, closes his eyes, and focuses on the feel of the ball on the palm of his hand. His dark eyes slowly blink open to a clear view of the court on his and the other side. Adrenaline courses through his veins as he tosses the ball high up in front and then runs forward and jumps—

  
On that one particular serve which settled the match point between the Adlers and the Jackals on their first match after the famous setter's return, the members of both teams watch as he leaps in the air.

He flies.

His form is almost identical to the way his old partner's whenever he jumped as high as he can to hit a ball.

On that one particular serve, both teams see Hinata Shouyou somewhere within the setter.

  
—then hits the ball with a resounding thump.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. That was... _yes_. My heart was doing weird shiz while I was writing this but _hey we got through it and wrote a pretty good piece_ \- I hope. Anyway, stream Season 4 of Haikyu!! HAHAHAHA
> 
> Feel free to suddenly dm me prompts on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/keijitrash) too - just scream at me or something I don't know,,,,
> 
> Be sure to drop your thoughts and reviews below~
> 
> ❤️ Rena


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